Weekend at Coop Villa…

Ok! Its Wednesday night and my weekend just ended. I'm finally back in my small room listening to Shania Twain again.. Derz absolutely no energy in this house and what can I do? #shrug! Anywho, I had a fun-fun weekend. Since I intend to close with shout-outs, I think I should say sorry to @akinfals who missed out on all the fun and had to create his own trips on the mainland

FRIDAY
Ok, weekend started at 10:30 on Friday night - no, we didn't go to any club or anything like that jor.. While I'd followed the driver to g'and pick my cousin from Bowen, my guy, @opelarny had seen his folks off to the airport. We were both tired, fagged out and we needed some spectacular to go out that night.

From Lere, we headed to Unilag, made a quick stop and then headed straight to Lekki. We were trying to get some connects with @dapobali but the P wasn't sure jor. Bali said there was a Pool party in Lekki. When we pinged @olumurewa, baba said Pool Party was in Ikoyi -toh… We sha arranged to meet Murray at Tanterlizers in Lekki. We hooked up at 12:30 but after like 10 minutes of tracking, we decided to go home jor… Murray headed to Ikoyi, we headed home. 
We got home around 1:15 or so.., around 1:30, we headed out again - We went to track @EniBaller. My guy wanted to club but omoh, ginjah was lacking o! He sha blessed us with a botttle of Spanish wine and we headed home. Lani made Spaghetti for dinner and we enjoyed the chaol with the wine.. By 2:30, boys were asleep mehn.
 

SATURDAY

I really can't remember when we woke up o… but we were out by 9:30 sha. Lani wanted to cut his hair. So, we went to the barber. My guy did some Ricky Rozay sturvings with his beards.. I had a regular cut jor - "who sai". From the salon, we stopped off at @feyi_tee's crib. His popsy was supposed to travel but the trip wasn't a sure thing yet.. After chilling there for a lil bit, we went to pick Ayobammy.

Ayobammy was kind enough to make breakfast for three hungry boys… It was bread and egg sha.. We really just chilled, drank some wine and had some laughs.

Ayobammy making Breakfast

3:00 - We headed out to Fun Turf. @temmytwenny was back in the radar. My guy had gone to Redemption Camp for prayers. Omoh, July 2011 must be a reality O! #dontdull. Omoh, the journey from Ajah to Lekki Phase 1 lasted close to two hours o! We got there sha. Temmy was there with his cousin Skido and mehn, make I no lie, it was rather dullin O! We sha told people on BBM and twitter that it was bubbling - abeg make dem quick come make we suffer 2geda.

By this time, boys were already on code. The regular CU people were there, Santi, CJ Rozay, Fowode, Ahmed, Bali, Toye… ee'rybody sha. Mr Sule( @umarsule) was there too. We just chilled jor. While the soccer went on, we went up into the bar and chilled for a lil bit. Olisa of Beat FM was there. The guy just kacked by himself on one table - he was unapproachable o! #lowkey - his swag was too much. We saw Saucekid as we left bar- We hailed and he hailed back. Nice 1.I hailed TPN and @exschoolnerd too… just said hi for a lil bit.

Ya, @nin_dimaj was there too with a couple of friends.. Everyone was rili just chilling. 
7:00pm - We decided to go to Wine Bar in Ikoyi but we changed our minds and headed to Palms. Traffic was 

really bad but we came through, got our liquor and headed to the eatries there. I really can't remember the one we went to and they told us a plate of rice and chicken was 1400…ahan! Say wetin happen? Boys had to deliberate o! Then @dapobali hooked us up with his Mega Plaza connects.

8:15pm - En route Mega Plaza. The journey to Mega Plaza was smooth. ilike V.I at night mehn. Yeah! I think it was @Onosa that spotted the Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe in the parking lot. Omoh, see boys touching the car to tap anointing - make we sef fit buy that kind car one day.

Food-court chillin : Mr. Ben hooked us up with some rad rad meals like this o! Chai! By the time we were through, everyone was full and we all finished our food ( I hardly ever finish my food). The chaol was actually the highlight of the night. Y'all should try it out some time.

Before

After

Onosa had to bail just before the food arrived coz his dad called him so he missed out. Bali was supposed head out with us for the night so we followed him home so he could park his car at home. At 11:00 we were still in Bali's house o! Thaz where the ginjah for the night died.

From V.I, we went to VGC. Joshua had told us there was a P there. Omoh, the thing wasn't rocking at all O! Dude promised us a bottle of wine as we finally decided to head home around 12. Now it was me, Lani and Temmy in the house. Saturday was a 6.5 day...

SUNDAY.
Lani wanted us to go to church but he was the last to wake up. We all got up around 10. Around 10:30, we went out to Ajah to buy bread and onions and all those breakfast ingredients. We picked up Feyi and headed home.

Temmy made a breakfast special. We had bread, fried eggs, baked beans and sausage. We didn't eat till around 1 sha. 
After breakfast, we decided on our movement for the day - There was the reunion at Oniru, House P in Ajah and we were going 2 pick Bali and either eat out or see a movie.

We headed out around 5. First stop was the house P. Boys were already on some Russian Beer and things. The party wasn't really rocking but we had to be back. We'd decided to invite people over to the house the next day and there were definitely chicks here..

While buying fuel just after VGC gate, Joshua called that he'd come through with the wine. He dropped it off, planned to hook-up the next day and he was out.

Next Stop-------->Oniru. We got to Oniru around 6:30. We entered the beach and found the reunion crew. These guys were already wasted. Thankfully, Eghosa (@shalomjare) was just heading in. He told me the fine fine babes had just left. I hailed Fisayo and Timilehin and just chilled with Eghosa. By the way, Eghosa came with a car full of babes o! Baba no dey dull.

Lani & Eghosa

While at Oniru, we arranged to hook up with Bali and Murray. Thankfully, they got there almost at the same time. We'd originally decided to go to the Palms but mehn, there was some new Ginjah directing us to Magodo. Apparently there was a barbeque party going on there. #lowkey. The gist on BBM was that it was bubbling so… En route Magodo it was O!

Murray's ginjah is absolutely on a 90% something and it shows in his driving. Our Picanto had nothing on his Wrangler o! Temmy stays in Magodo so he led the way to the P! Everyone was there again… the whole CU crew - Tolani, Yaya, Wannie, Santi, Adesulu, Okusi, Senator Crown… We hung out for a bit and chilled.

Next Stop was Bungalows V.I - Omoh, that zones na for the big boys O!... We had a few drinks and left. Murray dropped Bali at home while we headed to Ajah.

On our way home we bought plantain and Temmy made Spag and plantain for dinner. Sunday was rad.. 8.0

MONDAY

We woke up late as usual. We did our daily round of morning outings. First stop was at one babe, Ella's crib. We couldn't make it back for her party yesterday and she was obviously pissed. We sha made her promise she was gon come later in the day. From there, we bought booze for the day. Temmy & Lani didn't allow me buy my code so… #shrug. 
Around 1:30, Lani and I went to pick a babe up from Ayobammy's estate so we dropped by and hung with Ayobammy for a lil bit. On our way outta the estate, Feyi came thru and went on to pick up another babe. We hooked up later at home. Temmy made lunch. I no get the kind liver wey dem get for nobs360 so I'll just skip to the evening part.

Lani woke me up around 8 and told me we were going out. One lens of my glasses got lost in the shower. We sha left the house around 9. We just chilled at the VGC park. SommyB came through and hung out for a bit. Monday night was our earliest night in..We got home around midnight and made Macaroni…. It had been a crazy crazy crazy day. #justleaveitlikethat.

TUESDAY
Didn't follow the guys out on the early morning Ajah waka waka… just stayed in and was chatting with Ayobammy. 

Nkem came with her friend Taiwo and hung out with us. They made lunch. Feyi came through with some booze and my favryt Sprite. After yesterday, I just stuck to my Sprite o! Lani and Bali went to pick up Bali's babe from her crib. They had to take her back though, her mum was acting up.

After we'd waited for Lani and Bali for over two hours, we got worried and started calling. Omoh, guys refused to tell us what was up o! Feyi had to go too… his mum needed him to take her somewhere.. **some parts missing**

Eventually, Lani told us what was really up. There'd been an accident and they were at the Mechanic's tryna fix up the cars. Nkem and Taiwo had to go so we had the driver wire up the Prado. He first dropped us at the mechanic workshop and then went to drop off Nkem and Taiwo.

Thankfully, there were no lights lost - 5k settled all the wahala.

While we waited for the cars to be patched up, Joju brought us some Efo Riro on her way back from cooking lessons.. Nice babe.

We got back home from the mechanic around 9 and just headed to the kitchen. We ate rice and vegetable. After the whole accident there didn't seem to be ginjah to go out.

Around 10, we sha decided we were going out. We all went to shower and by 11:05, we were hustling to buy fuel at the only open filling station in the area.

We headed straight to Mega Plaza food court and added their Suya to our menu this time. The food was as good as ever. 
We left Mega Plaza and headed to another hang out joint in V.I ** some text missing here - again** We went back to Mega Plaza and then Ikoyi before finally heading home around 2:30. I've obviously left out a lot of detail. Bite Me!

All in all, thank God for safety & journey mercies. We were night crawlers, throughout. Thanks to Lani & his folks for everything, crib, cars.. We always had Nepa, Gen or Inverter. Thanks to all the chicks that came through & cooked for us… and the others that I decided not 2 mention.


Murray, SommyB, Onosa, Akatu, Joshua, Jibola, Lolu. Thanks for coming through
Feyi, Bali, Twenny, Lani (@0si & @akinfals in absentia) - One love. #nohomo

 

Heart Out

Ever loved someone who was too blind to see, too selfish to care, and too numb to feel?
But you still loved them anyway. 
Because love is like an annoying kid. You can't but hear it whine. Even though you really want to throw it out the window or pretend like it doesn't exist, there is a part of you that wants to do everything in your power to cater to its needs. 
You really can't push it away. 
No matter how hard you try its always there, ready to bite you in the ass if you give too much to it, or willing to slap you in the face if you dont give it enough.It sucks to love, but then again it is what man does.
So I guess it sucks to be human, too. Nah, it doesn't

Chasing Pavements

So I was passing through blogger and I saw this and thought I should share...  

"At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be." #thatisall #gbam

 

Word!

So I saw this on the blog of a distant friend and I thought I should share

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Random Sturvz Done By People Our Age….

Here's just a couple of things said and acted out by folks our age.. Enjoy.. 

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.  

2. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. 
 
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
 
4. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook are people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
 
5. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in Nigeria did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. 
 
6. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. 
 
7. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 
8. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.  

9. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
 
10. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
 
11. Was learning cursive really necessary?
 
12. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
 
13. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
 
14. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
 
15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
 
16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
 
17. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. #justsaying
 
18. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (I haven't washed the jeans I'm wearing since maybe July 2008).
 
19. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
 
20. Bad decisions make good stories.
 
21. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
 
22. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
 
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
 
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
 
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are absolutely going 2 fall over after leaning your chair back a little too far.
 
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
 
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
 
28. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
 
29. I hate leaving my hostel confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
 
30. When I meet a "new" girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
 
31. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
 
32. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
 
33. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
 
34. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
 
35. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Rules of Engagement - Lagos Driving 101.

So it's been a while since I had time to blog. There were like nine tests in 3 days and things have been a lil hectic. So here's a lil somthng somthng 2 laff off.

1. When in doubt, accelerate! 
2. Be prepared to ram anything stopping you wearing uniform in Lagos (Police, Traffic warden, FRSC, 
Kai brigade, Fire brigade, VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA, even LAWMA sef)  
3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic & settle 5 hundred bucks), and if they don't agree, form calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of office except you wanna pay X10. 
4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date) 
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.   
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque 
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes 
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs. 9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.  
10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!  
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos , potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week). 
12. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend ur whole saturday @ the panel beater's place. 
13. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first) 
14. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos . Everybody might be inclined to take that 'short-cut'.
15. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they've never been to.  
16. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour. 
17. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.  
18. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos .  
19. Hazard lights (popularly called "double pointer") is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he's headed 'straight' and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his "horn". 
20. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.  
21. If you have to use the Lekki Expressway and you're not there by 4:00pm, just forget it. You're going to spend at least three hours on that road.   
22. Once in the Lekki traffic, feel free to make friends, arrange meetings and even chyke babes. Generally, engage in PWD- Pinging While Driving.  
23. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.  
24. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.  
25. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution. 26. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tire!!!  

HORNING IN LAGOS 
- 'Horn' when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.
- 'Horn' when you're about to move off.
- 'Horn' when you're about to overtake.
- 'Horn' when someone is about to overtake you.
- 'Horn' when turning into a road.
- 'Horn' when emerging from a road.
- 'Horn' back when someone horns at you. It's considered good etiquette.
- 'Horn' when you hear a chorus of horns. Don't worry if you don't know what all the 'horning' is about.
- 'Horn' when you're happy.
- 'Horn' to the beat when you're playing music in your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos

Nothing to do...

I was going to write the sequel to Betrothed but there's really been no time. Besides that, my betrothed girlfriend has refused to help me out- understandably shey? Maybe I'll write it a little later.

Its 9:32pm and I've been off the internet for just about 24 hrs now. I feel completely alienated though. I'm super duper bored. Derz absolutely nothing to do.

Or, ok, derz nothing I really want to do. Okay, I want 2 browse but those bastard Visafone pple will gladly disconnect me once its like 12:30. Their own 24 hrs ends at 12:30. If u like load ur credit at 12:25….you'll even be shocked. But I miss Agusha and twitter and just knowing what's going on outside this school.

Derz rili nothing to do! I'm already tired of that FM 2011. The life of a Chelsea manager is rather easy O! Provided ur players are fit and there's money to spend. If not? Omoh, na die be that o! Sunderland go dey like come ur house every weekend.

Then FIFA 11 - Hiss. I'm Chelsea manager there too… I'm actually angry at Chelsea and everything Chelsea. I had to wash my Champions 10 jersey yesterday even though it wasn't dirty. Maybe our fortunes will start changing. I'm superstitious like that. Ahan! How will Sunderland come and plunder our land like that? Ah! Those people that collected 7 earlier this year. Smh. Its not their fault. Na Ancelotti wey put Paolo Ferreira for Centre Back cause all this wahala. I know Terry's injury was rather abrupt but ahan…. We've been bragging about Jeffery Bruma nao! That Calamity Ferriera that caused Portugal to lose the European Championships to Greece. That same Ferreira that helped Barca start their resurgence in that epic 4-2 match under Mourinho. That calamitous Ferriera that couldn't even put off a bad Diouf in that random 1-1 draw with Blackburn last season. Ode oshi. Forget that he's a two time European Champion O! That one na for im pocket. Belleti sef na European Champion.

Thaz enough about Chelsea. Only that I've been thinking of the right time to wear my new jersey. You see, there are many Chelsea fans in CU o! The blue jersey is like Pure water here…e plenty yanfu yanfu. The Black and Orange too. So me in all my humility went to get the Green and Blue jersey. Guess what name I chose to print? Its definitely not Ferreira or Ramires.. That hungry bricklayer…hiss.. Ehen, I went to write my twitter handle there O! Hmm…Mr twitter himself. "@AROGZZ." The problem is that Chelsea in all her infinite foolishness is now losing matches at will. I was embarrassed on Sunday O! Hmm. I can't go and wear jersey- they'll now shi us for nothing. That one no dey o!

Oya, no more Chelsea, seriously. There's nothing to do. I watched two episodes of Family Guy earlier this evening. I'm not watching again - at least not this evening. Imagine, they were forming "To be continued" after Stewie killed his momsy. My laptop no be Africa Magic o! Which one is all these nollywood tricks they want to start playing? Hiss.

What else? Derz no food. Obehi just entered with White rice and egg…Hiss… after I hailed him thinking it was Pepper rice. Broke ass oshi. I'm not even that hungry sef. Even if I was hungry, there's no water to make cereal (defined as including but not limited to Osita's very fine textured Garri, Golden Morn and Cornflakes). Okay, I'm really not hungry.

What shall I do jor? I think I have Aunty Risi's assignment o! I'll do it next Monday jor! Derz no mid-semester on Monday.

I just mentioned Mid-Semester bah? Ehen? As there's now mid-semester nko? Omoh, make e kak jor. I don't feel like reading. I have to pass sha. I'll read later.

Which other assignment? I think derz none. Only Rudrappan tomorrow. Rudrappan is my Indian lecturer O! Hmmm.. We actually really do "all stand greet" when he enters the class. And we have pre-assigned seats. Me, I'm happy sha, my seat is on the last row. I can IM with Osita's i-touch during the class and Laju is my seat mate. Laju is on a first class o! Bad sharp guy like this. My guy doesn't dull during tests. Sure boy.

Yes! Project! Leme even ask Osita where he said he saw it the other day. Since Alege has refused to do anything progressive with the thing but correct my paragraphing, I've dumped the thing o! The man never even disturbs us sef. Though I know it won't take me too much to do the corrections and start my Chapter 2, it seems like a very very long thing o!

I know derz a day of reckoning sha. I have to get to work again… sigh… Bye guys, #projectstatofmind.

Betrothed.

Time they say heals all wounds - only that it really doesn't. Amin, I remember when a friend of mine got expelled. CU can be a bastard o! Joey had got into an altercation with this guy and in his expulsion letter, he was charged with cultism, homosexualism, gangstarism and some other insane things. I was distraught! I wanted to pick up my pen and writing pad and scribble down how I felt at that point in time - I just never got to doing it. Joey was leaving school the next day. There were goodbyes to be said, tears to be shed and there was some packing to do. So out of respect, I went with Joey when he said his goodbyes and I consoled his friends with him. His friends helped him with his packing.
The next day Joey left school before 7 am. Oyin and Japari stood near Esther hall both crying under an umbrella as the rain poured. How would they live without the one guy who brought light to their worlds? I barely even witnessed the whole thing. I was in criss-cross slippers and my sleep wear when he left. It was a really sad scene.

But as they say, life goes on. But anguish is not important enough to last. A few hours later, I was jumping exeat with a couple of my guys and a few more hours later, I was in the safety and comfort of my house. In the fresh air I knew that I was alive. That I would dine well the next day, that in time I would have a loving woman again, that I would write a story and walk along the beach. Only those we most love can cause our death, and only of them we must beware. Our enemies can never harm us. Virtue is its own reward. Yes, its true I'm in class…but mehn, I have to put down my feelings right now.

So here I am not letting time do anything to the fresh wound. I'm airing it literally and in reality. You see, one of my friends told me she just got a boyfriend. Like I'm supposed to be happy for her yeah? Well, I'm not!!! Sue me! Its not like I had the hots for her or anything like that. I really didn't even want her for myself. Yeah, she's pretty, pretty hot even…. I even say she's slutty hot! But there was no way I was even ever going to attempt to change her relationship status. I just liked the fact that she was single. There was nothing sexual about it. It wasn't based on attraction…. It was plain simple…She was single. She was almost always there when I needed random but warm hug; a seatmate in class; someone to walk to the hostel with… It was that simple. Now, its never going to be the same again.

Again, I ask you not to get me wrong. This is nothing about the potential love I could I have found. It is about the complete and irrecoverable love that I have surely lost. And you know what makes it most painful? They're both my friends. Imagine me losing this love from two people…Amin, I have only so many friends. They have effectively killed me. Some of you might think I should get over myself and find me a babe for myself…but then you miss the point! I'd be doing the same thing she just did. I'd be betraying someone…. I'd be betraying some people. In this case, Its nothing personal. They didn't intend to hurt me. The problem is everything is personal. Every bit of business is personal. Accidents don't happen to people that take them personal. I know a guy who takes everything personal. If lightening struck a friend, he took it personal. If some random guy walking by stepped on his shoes, he took it personal. That was what made him great.

You may think of me as being selfish, self centered, self serving - and every other compound word that has "self" in it. These people don't know that falling in love is really just cornball. Love is like the little red toy wagon you get for Christmas or your sixth birthday. It makes you deliriously happy and you just can't leave it alone. But sooner or later the wheels come off. Then you leave it in a corner and forget it. Falling in love is great. Being in love is a disaster. But I really do wish them the best….but I still am sad.

You know one day, I read someone's blog post on the movie- 500 days of summer- and I went on and downloaded and watched the movie and I understood a new dimension to how relationships sometimes work. Sometimes we're not just the right person for the person we think is right for us. It's as simple as that.

I never imagined that there would be anyone just right for my friend. #shrug. And I loved it that way. And the movie helped me understand why relationships work - and sometimes don't work so well. This afternoon though, it was of no help whatsoever. As we sat there together in class and told me, I felt the sudden urge to withdraw from her. It wasn't a deliberate act of punishment and I think that she understood, I just couldn't bare to be there. Maybe she didn't notice but my body seemed to shrivel up, my face gaunt with tension as if I had suffered some frightful blow, and though I looked her directly in the eyes without any attempt of apology or excuses, without any attempt to reassure her for my ego, I left her side. And I couldn't bear to be with her, at that moment, I wanted her out of my sight. A few minutes later though, I was iyte…. Better…

I know we're definitely going to be friends again - I'd even get her a double layered chocolate marshmallows pudding(as one babe put it last week) cake with "CONGRATULATIONS" boldly written on it. Derz really no hard feelings. For now though, she's suspended from my life. She cannot follow me on twitter, I'm going permanently invisible on her YIM and probably wouldn't be talking to her till the end of the week. Thank God she didn't lie to me or post me - That'll have been end. She would have lost forever, all the love I had for her but only discovered 90 mins ago. She's a dear bud and that's all I ever want her to be.
 
Thankfully, word on the street is that Joey is coming for his babe's birthday on Thursday. She's no longer crying in the rain. This time, they'll be hugging and kissing when its time to say goodbye. Don't be deceived however, time hasn't healed anybody's wounds. The scars are too visible to say they've healed. I still remember how I felt when I heard the sad news. But this week, only he can make me happy- as she has made me sad. 

The loves of my life - Her.

Sequel to my earlier post, http://arogzz.blogspot.com/2010/10/loves-of-my-life-me.html here's what I feel their(the several hers) impressions of our relationships have been. And ya, I know I wrote loves of my life and used "her" instead of "them". Abeg, all na pronoun. Like the first post, this is about more than just one babe. Its about at least 4 or 5 this time…. Read and enjoy.

We'd just fought over gender inequality and women liberation and coz she thought I was a tad chauvinistic, I told her straight up my problem with babes orientation these days. I said. "You know what? you're not realistic. You want me to adore you, to be really in love with you, to treat you like a virginal queen. As they did in the old days. But you reject those values that surrendering love is built on. And You want us to love you like the Holy Grail, but you want to live like a liberated woman. You won't accept that if your values change, so must mine. I can't love you as you want me to. As I used to."
We'd been continually fighting for several weeks now and I'd been trying hard to get the words out of her mouth…this time, the magic worked. And she started off.

HER.

"All my life the men I really loved always put me down, and they put me down for what they said they loved in me. But they never accepted the fact I could be interested in other human beings, not just them. That's what screws everything up. They fall in love with me at first and then they want me to become something else.

He was the best man I ever met and I really loved him and he really loved me. And he tried as hard as he could. And I tried as hard as I could. But we could never beat that masculine thing. If I even liked another man, he got sick. I could see that sick look on his face. Sure, I couldn't stand it if he even got into an interesting conversation with another woman. So what? But he was smarter than I was. He covered up. When I was around, he never paid any attention to other women even though they did to him. I wasn't that smart or maybe I felt it was too phony. And what he did was phony. But it worked. It made me love him more. And my being honest made him love me less.
 
I loved him because he was so smart in almost everything. Except women. He was really dumb about women. And he was dumb about me. Maybe not dumb, just that he could live only with illusions. He said that to me once and he said that I should be a better actress, that I should give him a better illusion that I loved him. I really loved him, but he said that wasn't as important as the illusion that I loved him. And I understood that and I tried. But the more I loved him the less I could do it. I wanted him to love the true me. Maybe nobody can love the true me or the true you or the true it. That's the truth—nobody can love truth. And yet I can't live without trying to be true to what I really am. Sure I lie, but only when it's important, and later, when I think the time is right, I always admit I told a lie. And that screws it up.
 
I admit a lot of things about myself. That if a man I like walks up to me and chats me up and has good conversation and is cute looking, I really wouldn't mind hanging out with him and clubbing with him and all that. There's nothing to it as far as I'm concerned. I could even kiss him even though I was in love with somebody else. Why is that so horrible? Men do that all the time. It's OK for them. But the man I loved the most in the whole world thought less of me when I told him that. He couldn't understand that it wasn't important. That I just wanted to have a good time. Every man does the same thing.

I never deceived a man about important things. About material things maybe I mean. I never pulled the cheap tricks some of my best friends pull on their men. I never intended to accuse a guy of being responsible when I got pregnant just to make him help me. He always told me a Chris Rock joke where the comedian said guys lie about small everyday stuff like how much they had or where they were per time. Babes he said however, lied about the really important things like the paternity of a child.I never tricked men like that. I never told a man I loved him when I didn't, not at the beginning anyway. Sometimes after, when I stopped loving him and he still loved me and I couldn't bear to hurt him, I'd say it. But I couldn't be that loving afterward and they'd catch on and things would cool off and we wouldn't see each other again. And I never really hated a man once I loved him no matter how hateful he was to me afterward. Men are so spiteful to women they no longer love, most men anyway, or to me anyway. Maybe because they still love me and I never love them afterward or love them a little, which doesn't mean anything. There's a big difference between loving somebody a little and loving somebody a lot.In my time though, I've come to realize that lovers are so cruel, more loving, more cruel. And no, not the Casanovas, Don Juans, the "cunt men" as men always call them. Not those creeps. I mean the men who truly love you. Oh, they really love you and they say they do and I know it's true. And I know how they will hurt me worse than any other man in the world. I want to say, "Don't say you love me." I want to say, "I don't love you."   
**smh** Oh, God, let me live in dreams; when I die, send me to a paradise of lies, undiscoverable and self-forgiven, and a lover will love me forever or not at all. Give me deceivers so sweet they will never cause me pain with true love, and let me deceive them with all my soul. Let us be deceivers never discovered, always forgiven. So that we can believe in each other. Let us be separated by wars and pestilence, death, madness but not by the passing of time. Deliver me from goodness, let me not regress into innocence. Let me be free.

I have to fight against regressing into innocence. When a man loves me, I want to be faithful to him and never even look at anybody else for the rest of my life. I want to do everything for him, but I know now that it never lasts with him or me. They start putting you down, they start making you love them less. In a million different ways and so often time, I decide not to put my mind to it and love them back.
  
There was this one time when he was said himself and a colleague had to scout out corporate gifts for some clients and that I met him at Park n Shop and he asked me to meet him there in about 30 minutes. I was there in 35 minutes and saw him for the first time in several months. Two things stood out for me that day. First was that he had so much power on me no matter how hard I tried to resist. The thing was that at the time his call came in, I hadn't even had my bath. But once that came in from out of the blue, there was no way I was going to fail him. It didn't matter that all he needed was my company. I'd have done the same thing if he wanted my car and most especially my heart. I didn't know if I loved him or hated myself for this though. I really didn't care. I still don't. Secondly, I made him feel like we were the only two people in the entire mall. We held hands, made jokes and we even kissed. We just really didn't care. We were together. That was all that mattered.
 
And arogzz, he always said that he felt safe. And I knew what he meant. When we were alone together, I could see the strain go out of his face. His eyes became softer. And when we were lying down together warm and soft skin touching, and I put my arms around him and truly loved him, I could hear him sigh like a cat purring. And I knew that for that short time he was truly happy. And that I could do that was truly magical. And that I was the only human being in the world who could make him feel like that made me feel so worthwhile. That I really meant something. I wasn't just another random babe he "pointed and killed." I wasn't just somebody to talk to and be intelligent with. I was truly a witch, a love witch, a good witch, and it was terrific. At that moment we both could die happy, literally, truly die happy. We could face death and not be afraid. But only for that short time. Nothing lasts. Nothing ever will. And so we deliberately shorten it, make the end come faster. And finally the day he said he didn't feel safe again, I stopped loving him!

The loves of my life - Me.

Most of my friends are in Lekki partying hard tonight. I really did want to go but…here I am, writing. This note is one of from my pronoun series where I don't mention any real names but I write about and from my experiences, readings, thoughts, discussions and other abstractions from reality. In this post, I talk about at least three babes I've met over the past few years.

The love of my life. I honestly am confused about how we met. It's all her fault though, I think its one way, she thinks its another. But it doesn't really matter and I'm really not going to talk about it. I don't want her knowing I'm talking about her…**tongue out**

The funny thing is, I didn’t see her sexually. I just liked her a hell of a lot. Because despite the fact that she was beautiful and had that wonderfully happy grin even when she was flustered and tired, she was not really a sexy girl at first glance. Or I was too inexperienced to notice coz when people started seeing us together and started teasing and questioning, they always mentioned how sexy she was. I was really just still very innocent and had a clean mind.

Over time, we became really close and we talked about any and everything and she became the love of my life. There was this one time when I had to travel down to my village. Though we left the house around 7 in the morning, I ended up spending 7 hours in traffic. It was horrible and I was tired and I wanted to talk to her about it. We had our first fight that night. She was not as sympathetic as I expected her to be and that sooooo didn’t go down well with me.

She was obviously watching E! while I narrated my ordeal…shit! I hate that thing mehn! Not only was she not paying attention, she was watching E! I got mad and hung up on her. We refused to call or text each other but when I got back in town and saw her two days later, we absolutely made up. That was when I realized that  I could forgive her everything when I was with her and forgive her nothing when I was away from her.

As time went on, she was all that was ever really on my mind.  I literally never even saw another woman. And it wasn't enough just to see her to get sexually excited. I'd kiss her and touch her legs and her breasts at every opportunity  Once, when she protested laughingly, I told her about the polar bears. About how a male polar bear could react only to the scent of one particular female polar bear and sometimes had to wander over a thousand square miles of Arctic ice before he could fuck her. And that was why there were so few polar bears. She was surprised at that, and then she caught on that I was kidding and punched me. But I told her really that was the effect she had on me. That it was not love or that she was so great-looking and smart and everything that I had ever dreamed about in a woman since I was a kid. It was not that at all. I was not vulnerable to that corny bullshit of love and soul mates and all that. It was quite simply that she had the right smell; her body gave off the right odor for me. It was simple and nothing to brag about. 

Well, we were more complicated than polar bears. And the catch in my fairy tale, which I didn’t point out to my love, was that the female polar bear did not have the same problem as the male.

And then, of course, I pulled the usual shitty things that people in love do. I slyly asked around about her.  You would never do it with a guy you liked. There you always trusted your own judgment, your own gut feeling. With women you were always mistrustful. There is something really shitty about being in love.

And if I had gotten some real dirt on her, I wouldn’t have fallen in love. How is that for a shitty romanticism?  My only excuse was that I had been a writing hermit so many years and not smart about women to begin with.  And then I couldn’t get any scandal on her. She didn’t go out to parties.  In short, she was the girl of a square hermit’s dream. She even liked to read. What more could I want? I had come to the point now that lovers always come to. They are so happy they can’t believe they deserve it. And so they start thinking that maybe it’s all a fake. So with me jealousy and suspicion haunted the ecstasies of our relationship.

There came a time soon after this when I loved her as a person. That is, it wasn’t that I just wanted to fuck her brains out; or look into her dark brown eyes and faint; or eat up her pink mouth. And all the rest of it, the staying up all night telling her stories, Jesus, telling her my whole life, and her telling me all her life. In short, there came a time when I realized it was her sole function to make me happy, to make me delight in her. I saw that it was my job to make her a little happier than she was and not to get pissed off when she didn’t make me happy. And I don’t mean I learned to make her happy by giving her a gift, that was my pleasure. Or to cheer her when she was down, which was just clearing obstacles out of the way so that she could get on with the job of making me happy.

But all this was only for that short time. Nothing lasts. Nothing ever will. And so we deliberately shorten it, make the end come faster. Things started to fall apart. And what had led to all this was that I never lied. And she wanted me to lie.  There comes a point in every love affair when, so it seems, the woman gets pissed off at her lover’s being too happy. Sure she knows it’s her making him happy. Sure she knows that it’s her pleasure, even her job. But finally she comes to the conclusion that in some way, the son of a bitch is getting away with murder. I had had plenty of warnings, plenty of hints.

As I pointed out earlier, I asked slyly about her and I checked her out. And I did catch her, but not in the way I thought. There was this one time when I went to see her at her house and when she came to get the door, she was walking very slowly, very reluctantly. She wore a long gray skirt and a white blouse, and her long dark hair was pinned up around her head. At that moment I had almost a sense of pity for her. She looked so reluctant, as if she were a child going to a party her parents had made her go to. On the other side of town, I had been an hour early for all my appointments. I had rushed through meetings and stuff to meet her. I was dying to see her, but she, obviously, was not dying to see me. As I was thinking this, she lifted her head and saw me and her face became radiant and then she was hugging and kissing me and I forgot what I had seen.

I heard that tick of the second card being dealt. I still had so much pleasure in her company, with her body, in just looking at her face. I still loved the expression that went across her eyes and mouth. I loved her eyes. They could get such a hurt look and yet be so gay. I thought her mouth the most beautiful in the world. Hell, I was really still a kid. It didn’t matter that I knew she was deceiving me. She really hated to lie and did it badly. In a funny kind of way she told you she was lying. Even that was a fake-out. And it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter.  When she lied to me, it was to keep from hurting me. And when she told me the truth, it was partly to hurt me but also because she was terrified I’d learn the truth in a way that would hurt me more. 

And of course, as time went on, I had to understand that she led a hurtful life in many ways. A complicated life. As who indeed does not. So finally all the falseness and illusion had gone out of our relationship. We were true friends and I loved her as a person. I admired her courage, her indestructibility with all the disappointments of her life as a student, all the treacheries of her personal life. I understood it all. I was for her all the way. Then why the hell didn’t we have those deliriously good times we had before?

I suffered, sure, but it was still a good bargain.

Yet as time went on, I enjoyed her less and she made me suffer more.

In a way it’s interesting being crazy about somebody who’s no longer crazy about you. You go sort of blind and deaf. Or choose to. We gradually began to talk and see each other a lot less than we used to. And even when she did, we always fought about why we hadn't seen or spoken to each other and it seemed we were lying to each other. They always say that every relationship is built around communication and now, we no longer talked. Those long nights when we told each other stories were now long gone. We still definitely had loving feelings for each other but…..iono…there was just too much wrong with us.

And now, there is just too much wrong with us.

Who Am I?

It’s been a difficult few days. Money's been going fast, alliances shaken and pleasures have been gradually eroded. School life is back in full force and as most of my outlets have become unavailable or temporarily out of service, I'm becoming boxed in more and more.

School work has restarted at a pace that's retarded. There's so much we're being referred to read up on, notes and books to buy and dues to pay up. And while I'm trying to stay on my feet, Its really difficult not to revel in the success of last semester. But all these are ok… I'll be ok. School work, NESA senate, project work, soccer and clothiers, I can handle all of that.

What’s been forming as a thought lately however is how I'm feeling skeptical about the folks I hang out with these days. Yeah, I have a strong personality and all that but mehn, this is some insane random ish. Eminem's "I'm going through changes" has been my theme song for the past few days. My major qualms is that right now, I can't seem to find an answer to this question, "Who am I?" everytime I seem to ask myself.

 You see, I don't watch Vampire Diaries or 90210 or Gossip Girl or any of those series. I consider them as being random. You know why? They don't have strong enough characters. The first major series I was interested in was House. House is a miserable person with a limp. He patronizes hookers and brow beats patients and their vulnerable relatives just to go along with his theories (which are based majorly on hunches btw) but he's a damn intelligent doctor! The best I've ever seen in reality or fiction. I swear, his brilliance for me was enough to allow all his faults.

Then I got to like Burn Notice. Michael Western is certainly no Jack Bauer but he's a lot realer. He does things a decent guy can do.. He doesn't fly planes and talk to the president and save the whole country from destruction. He does his good deeds on a small scale.

Finally, I got to know about Denny Crane of Boston Legal. Larger than life, in support of guns and caring little about what anybody thought, Denny Crane constituted himself  a nuisance - and became my personal hero. Why? He was a good goddam lawyer. The best. Alongside his side kick Alan Shore, they were damn unbeatable.

 I've tried to copy several things from several characters so well depicted in different books and series and movies. Once I built a mafia-type family in High School, later, I formed House's Limp. Then again, I walked around like I owned the place just the way Michael Ballack does on the soccer field. At another time I took decisions and held opinions picked from Merlyn & Osano in Fools Die. Right now though, there's nothing for me to be. There's no one for me to want to be. Sadly so.

These past few days, all the talk around me is about vanity. But yeah, I'm cool with it, I can handle myself. Amin, its all about being a well rounded guy yeah? No stress. I'm up for it. 

But what the hell is up with all my relationships? I really don't understand. I was really gon' wait it out and let things even 'em selfves out but its not been happening… Dunno if its time to step in and make things happen.

Most importantly though, I think I need a short role model. I'm short. Kanye West, M.I etc, they ain't strong enough characters for me. Michael Corleone was the strongest I ever saw…but after I strongly considered if I would ever kill for money and power, I decided I couldn't…and so Michael Corleone isn't it. So ya, I'm on the look out. I need a short role model!