Betrothed.

Time they say heals all wounds - only that it really doesn't. Amin, I remember when a friend of mine got expelled. CU can be a bastard o! Joey had got into an altercation with this guy and in his expulsion letter, he was charged with cultism, homosexualism, gangstarism and some other insane things. I was distraught! I wanted to pick up my pen and writing pad and scribble down how I felt at that point in time - I just never got to doing it. Joey was leaving school the next day. There were goodbyes to be said, tears to be shed and there was some packing to do. So out of respect, I went with Joey when he said his goodbyes and I consoled his friends with him. His friends helped him with his packing.
The next day Joey left school before 7 am. Oyin and Japari stood near Esther hall both crying under an umbrella as the rain poured. How would they live without the one guy who brought light to their worlds? I barely even witnessed the whole thing. I was in criss-cross slippers and my sleep wear when he left. It was a really sad scene.

But as they say, life goes on. But anguish is not important enough to last. A few hours later, I was jumping exeat with a couple of my guys and a few more hours later, I was in the safety and comfort of my house. In the fresh air I knew that I was alive. That I would dine well the next day, that in time I would have a loving woman again, that I would write a story and walk along the beach. Only those we most love can cause our death, and only of them we must beware. Our enemies can never harm us. Virtue is its own reward. Yes, its true I'm in class…but mehn, I have to put down my feelings right now.

So here I am not letting time do anything to the fresh wound. I'm airing it literally and in reality. You see, one of my friends told me she just got a boyfriend. Like I'm supposed to be happy for her yeah? Well, I'm not!!! Sue me! Its not like I had the hots for her or anything like that. I really didn't even want her for myself. Yeah, she's pretty, pretty hot even…. I even say she's slutty hot! But there was no way I was even ever going to attempt to change her relationship status. I just liked the fact that she was single. There was nothing sexual about it. It wasn't based on attraction…. It was plain simple…She was single. She was almost always there when I needed random but warm hug; a seatmate in class; someone to walk to the hostel with… It was that simple. Now, its never going to be the same again.

Again, I ask you not to get me wrong. This is nothing about the potential love I could I have found. It is about the complete and irrecoverable love that I have surely lost. And you know what makes it most painful? They're both my friends. Imagine me losing this love from two people…Amin, I have only so many friends. They have effectively killed me. Some of you might think I should get over myself and find me a babe for myself…but then you miss the point! I'd be doing the same thing she just did. I'd be betraying someone…. I'd be betraying some people. In this case, Its nothing personal. They didn't intend to hurt me. The problem is everything is personal. Every bit of business is personal. Accidents don't happen to people that take them personal. I know a guy who takes everything personal. If lightening struck a friend, he took it personal. If some random guy walking by stepped on his shoes, he took it personal. That was what made him great.

You may think of me as being selfish, self centered, self serving - and every other compound word that has "self" in it. These people don't know that falling in love is really just cornball. Love is like the little red toy wagon you get for Christmas or your sixth birthday. It makes you deliriously happy and you just can't leave it alone. But sooner or later the wheels come off. Then you leave it in a corner and forget it. Falling in love is great. Being in love is a disaster. But I really do wish them the best….but I still am sad.

You know one day, I read someone's blog post on the movie- 500 days of summer- and I went on and downloaded and watched the movie and I understood a new dimension to how relationships sometimes work. Sometimes we're not just the right person for the person we think is right for us. It's as simple as that.

I never imagined that there would be anyone just right for my friend. #shrug. And I loved it that way. And the movie helped me understand why relationships work - and sometimes don't work so well. This afternoon though, it was of no help whatsoever. As we sat there together in class and told me, I felt the sudden urge to withdraw from her. It wasn't a deliberate act of punishment and I think that she understood, I just couldn't bare to be there. Maybe she didn't notice but my body seemed to shrivel up, my face gaunt with tension as if I had suffered some frightful blow, and though I looked her directly in the eyes without any attempt of apology or excuses, without any attempt to reassure her for my ego, I left her side. And I couldn't bear to be with her, at that moment, I wanted her out of my sight. A few minutes later though, I was iyte…. Better…

I know we're definitely going to be friends again - I'd even get her a double layered chocolate marshmallows pudding(as one babe put it last week) cake with "CONGRATULATIONS" boldly written on it. Derz really no hard feelings. For now though, she's suspended from my life. She cannot follow me on twitter, I'm going permanently invisible on her YIM and probably wouldn't be talking to her till the end of the week. Thank God she didn't lie to me or post me - That'll have been end. She would have lost forever, all the love I had for her but only discovered 90 mins ago. She's a dear bud and that's all I ever want her to be.
 
Thankfully, word on the street is that Joey is coming for his babe's birthday on Thursday. She's no longer crying in the rain. This time, they'll be hugging and kissing when its time to say goodbye. Don't be deceived however, time hasn't healed anybody's wounds. The scars are too visible to say they've healed. I still remember how I felt when I heard the sad news. But this week, only he can make me happy- as she has made me sad.